Henn Henrry Paul Son

I didn’t catch Henry Paulson’s testimony in front of congress yesterday, but I heard it went something like this -- with sincere apologies to David Mamet.

Paulson: Let me have your attention for a moment! So you're talking about what? You're talking about... bitching about that bill you passed, some son of a bitch that doesn't want to testify, somebody that doesn't want what you're proposing, some intern you're trying to screw and so forth. Let's talk about something important. Are they all here?

Bernanke: All but one.

Paulson: Well, I'm going anyway. Let's talk about something important! (to Schumer) Put that coffee down!! Coffee's for bailers only. Do you think I'm fucking with you? I am not fucking with you. I'm here from downtown. I'm here from Bush and Cheney. And I'm here on a mission of mercy. Your name's Schumer?

Schumer: Yeah.

Paulson: You call yourself a Senator, you son of a bitch?

Dodd: I don't gotta listen to this shit.Paulson: You certainly don't pal. 'Cause the good news is -- you're screwed. The bad news is you've got, all you got, just one week to pass this bill, starting today. Starting with today’s testimony. Oh, have I got your attention now? Good. 'Cause we're adding a little something to this year’s budget. As you all know, first prize is a stable economy. Anyone want to see second prize? Second prize's a set of junk bonds. Third prize is you're screwed. You get the picture? You laughing now? You got loans. Fannie and Freddie paid bad money. Get their names to buy them! You can't buy the loans you're given, you can't buy shit, you ARE shit, hit the bricks pal and beat it 'cause you are going out!!!

Schumer: The loans are weak.

Paulson: 'The loans are weak.' Fucking loans are weak? You're weak. I've been in this business twenty-eight years.

Dodd: What's your name?

Paulson: FUCK YOU, that's my name!! You know why, Mister? 'Cause you got elected and make a hundred and sixty-nine thousand dollars a year, I’m about to control one trillion dollars. That's my name!! (to Schumer) And your name is "you're wanting." And you can't play in a man's game? You can't bail them. Go home and tell your constituents your troubles. Because only one thing counts in this life! Get them to sign on the line which is dotted! You hear me, you fucking faggots?

(Paulson flips over a blackboard which has two sets of letters on it: ABB, and AIDA.)
Paulson: A-B-B. A-always, B-be, B-bailing. Always be bailing! Always be bailing!! A-I-D-A. Attention, interest rates, decision, action. Attention -- do I have your attention? Interest rates are low-- are you interested? I know you are because it's fuck or walk. You bail or you hit the bricks! Decision -- have you made your decision for Christ?!! And action. A-I-D-A; get the money out there!! You got the taxpayers comin' in; you think they came in to get out of the rain? Guy doesn't walk on the lot unless he wants to buy. They’re sitting out there waiting to give you their money! Are you gonna take it? Are you man enough to take it? (to Dodd) What's the problem pal? You. Dodd.

Dodd: You're such a hero, you're so rich. How come you’re coming down here and waste your time with such a bunch of bums?

(Paulson takes out his proposal)
Paulson: You see this proposal? You see this proposal?

Dodd: Yeah.

Paulson: That proposal cost more than the Iraq War. We lost four hundred and eighty-two billion dollars last year. How much did you earmark? You see, pal, that's who I am. And you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good Senator? Fuck you -- go home and play with your constituents!! (to everyone) You wanna legislate here? Bail!! (to Reed) You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can't take this -- how can you take the abuse you get in a town hall meeting?! You don't like it -- leave. I can go out there today with the materials you got, and borrow myself fifty billion dollars! Today! In two hours! Can you? Can you? Go and do likewise! A-I-D-A!! Get mad! You sons of bitches! Get mad!! You know what it takes to buy bad real estate loans?(He pulls something out of his briefcase)

Paulson: It takes brass balls to buy bad real estate loans with taxpayer money. Go and do likewise, gents. The money's out there, you pick it up, it's ours. You don't -- I got no sympathy for you. You wanna go out of here and bail, bail, it's yours. If not you're going to be shining my shoes. Then you know what you’ll be saying, a bunch of losers sitting around in Stetson’s Bar. (in a mocking weak voice) "Oh yeah, I used to be a Senator, it's a tough racket." (he takes out large stack of red index cards tied together with string from his briefcase) These are the new leads. These are the Goldman Sachs leads. And to you, they're gold. And you don't get them. Because to give them to you is just throwing them away. (he hands the stack to Bernake) They're for bailers. I'd wish you good luck but you wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it. (to Dodd) And to answer your question, pal: why am I here? I came here because Bush and Cheney asked me to, they asked me for a favor. I said, the real favor, follow my advice and fire your fucking ass because a loser is a loser.